Raising Elvis

I try to raise him right. Give him good manners and morals. Good food (he demands to eat whatever we are eating), a nice house-er-cage (Graceland), love and affection and I wake up this morning to hear "YOU'RE A BRAT! BRAT! BRAT BRAT! HEY BRAT! Come 'mere."

Then he clucks like a chicken. . . "Buc, Buc, Buc, BaGawwwk!"

I've been trying to teach him "I love you" for years but he seems to have an aversion to expressing affection. He also refuses to say "thank you."

And he's no snitch either. Although he calls each of the dogs by name, (then laughs when they come running, "heh, heh, heh") he refuses to tell me who tore up the garbage and spread it all over the floor last night. He had to see it, most was right in front of Graceland.

And he calls me a Brat!

And then as I'm sweeping up the mess-he laughs, which is more like the cackle from the wicked witch of the west. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I'm the slave in this relationship and sometimes I'm afraid he may be right.

Redrum

The parrot in the corner keeps saying "Redrum, Redrum...waaahhhaakk!" and I have to wonder if its a warning or a promise.

Usually when I write he's asking me "is that good", making me question my WIP. Now he cries of murder and doom. His change of mood seems to have a lot to do with the grown kids who live here. They stay up late at night and seem to think it funny to teach him things like "Doom! We're all Doomed!" and how to cluck like a chicken. Redrum seems to be his favorite now. He does it in this low, gravely voice, compliments of the kids, which only makes it more disturbing. We wake up to it, hear it during dinner and its now how he greets visitors.

I've tried to teach him to say "I love you" since he came to live here years ago but he's never uttered those words. I give him a cheerful "hello" and "goodbye". He never gets those either. So, I have to wonder if he's possessed by something evil or if he just has the same warped sense of humor of those young people who live here. Or maybe its a little of both.