Monday, March 24, 2008


The man trembled. He was in a car, lots of black leather and dark wood. Expensive, he thought bringing one shaky hand up to his head to try and clear it. A woman was driving, but he had no knowledge of who she was or how he got there. He couldn’t even remember where he was before he was here, in this car.
“W-Where am I?” he asked, his deep voice trembling almost as bad as his hands.
The woman stared straight ahead, one hand on the wheel, the other elbow resting on the console with her hand wrapped around a latte. She seemed bored. Her dark hair was pulled back at the base of her neck and she wore no makeup. Attractive in a raw kind of way with large brown eyes, pale skin, flat, lean cheeks and full lips that formed a perfect pink bow. Her eyes were tired and she blinked several times as if trying to stay awake. Shifting in the seat, she sat up a little straighter and took a sip from her cup. She didn’t even look at him.
“Please,” the man asked again, louder this time, a quiver of panic in his voice. “Where am I?”
The woman kept driving.
“I don’t know what happened. How did I get in this car? Where are we going?”
Her eyes drifted to the driver’s side mirror and then to the passenger side. She lifted the lever for the turn signal, then switched lanes.
“Who are you?” The man turned in his seat and leaned toward the woman, trying to move into her line of vision. “Ma’am? Who are you and where are we going? You have to tell me.”
Again, no answer.

Not getting a reaction the man brought his hand up and tried to grab the woman’s arm. His hand passed right through her as if it were moving through a pea soup fog.


Julia Smith said...

Hey, that's great! Nice and twisty.

Julie Weathers said...

Hi, Aimless;

Nice, quirky opening.

I'm so disappointed about the Suspsense/Thriller contest. I'm fairly certain yours was one of the other ones selected. Then again, who knows? Betrayal was also another compelling opening, which was over on the word count.

Anyway, you have a great opening there and I hope you will start submitting it soon.


Aimless Writer said...

I know I went over word count. (seventeen words-I had to count it again. lol)When I set it up to post there was one more sentence in the paragraph...and I thought, what the heck. I didn't think they were being so strict on the word count because they never mentioned it in the earlier genres.
Oh well, always moving forward. I am almost ready to submit. Just polishing.
Thanks again for your kind words.

Josephine Damian said...

Aimless: I was sure you'd get the BookEnds nods, (but was certainly happy for my blog buddy Spy winning). Also thought you'd get an honorable mention after the winner was announced.

I think the BookEnds gals prefer the more cozy or romantic type of thriller.

Plenty of agents in the sea, I always say.....

Josephine Damian said...

OIC. So you went over the word count. Could be you were one of their top choices. Bummer. You might want to send them an email asking if you were a contender. You might not want to count them out just yet. Lots of folk were betting on you to win.

spyscribbler said...

Yes, yes, yes! Did you see? Even more people agreed today that they liked your entry, in the comments section.

I just came here to tell you that. :-)

And I definitely believe that you should still query them, if you want them. They've said as much. Selecting one winner in a contest is a very different process than asking for partials and fulls from *every* query letter they like, not just one.

Aimless Writer said...

Josephine, Thanks, I liked the winners too. There were lots of really good entries so I know it was going to be tough. I'm glad Spy won-her's was really good. Definately made me want to keep reading.

Aimless Writer said...

Thanks for pointing that out. Always nice to know others liked my elevator man too. :)
I'm hoping to have this polished up in the next couple of weeks. Its done but I have to make sure all my T's are crossed. Sometimes its hard to stop writing something. lol