Query letter fear!

Query letters strike fear in my heart. So let's rip apart one of my query letters just for fun. My comments are in ( )'s and not part of the real letter. Please no laughing. Just join in and point out any useless crap you see or let us know your own Query mistakes.

Yes, this is a letter that has received a few rejections.

Dear Ms, Mr, or Mrs. (Gotta get this right but how do we find out if a woman agent prefers Miss, Ms. or Mrs.???)

I’m an avid reader of your blog. Thank you for all the great information and insight you post there. (Too much sucking up? Not enough?) I would like to submit my manuscript for your consideration.

Eyes of My Killer:

Thriller-Suspense, approximately 70,000 words.

Misty reads eyes. She needs only to glance deep within your eyes to see your soul, your world, and all your secrets. But her gift has gotten her into trouble before as it doesn’t always give a clear picture. Not everything she “sees” makes sense. Random thoughts, images, and emotions come through haphazardly. When she comes eye to eye with a serial killer Misty goes to the police for help. In shock, she can describe the brutality and horror she saw in his eyes, but not the man himself. She knows the police think she’s a kook, but she has to make them listen.

Max Jennings is a by the book cop and he’s on the trail of the nastiest serial killer in Angel Fall’s history. When Misty McAllister walks into his squad room and declares she knows who the Angel Fall’s Strangler is because she met him at the mall, Max labels her a whacko. When the strangler leaves a message on Misty’s doorstep in the form of a dead body Max labels her a suspect, but Misty insists it’s a warning. Now she’s in a race for her life and only man can help her, the one who doesn’t believe her.

Full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your consideration. (I know the bio goes here but I don't have one. Does blogging count?)

Ciao baby,

One Aimlesswriter

Thoughts? Issues? Your query?

I've been SLAUGHTERED!

This book was so good I stayed up nights reading it. First thing in the morning while the dogs whined for their morning walk I'd have to finish just one more chapter.
And then the ending.....OMG! I sprang up out of bed at 2 a.m. shouting "NOOooooOOoooo!"

Have you ever read a book and get to one line that stands out as amazing. Like you have the wow, I wish I wrote that feeling.
There were many great lines in this book but my favorite was:

It had rained all night, a hard, heavy rain that tapped on their window like a witch trying to get in.

Love Karen Slaughter! Find her here.

Eye of the Beholder

This painting won second place at the county fair. (No, I didn't paint it-I wish!) But only won second place? Look carefully as all of God's world is in this painting. Every stroke has a meaning. from the tree branches to the valleys and fields. Look carefully and see the clouds in the eye and within the pupil you see the earth. The more you look the more you see. Amazing. How much thought went into this painting? Why the heck didn't this get first place? I would have definitely given it a first place + plus.

Art; it's all in the eye of the beholder. Perspective is everything.

Isn't this also true about writing? Its why one editor will love you and the other blows you off. I think this perspective is what keeps me writing. Knowing that one rejection (or twenty) does not mean that there isn't someone out there who will love it. Someone who's day will be made that much happier by reading what we wrote.

I wonder where Stephen King would be now if he hadn't found Bill Thompson. Would someone else have seen the potential of Carrie? Made it such a great best seller?

So we write on, curse the dark and hope for the future. Wait for someone with the perspective that will match our story. And hope they out there. Somewhere.

P.S. I didn't get this artist name, but if you're out there let me know and I'd be glad to post your name. You are an amazing artist.

How much you want for this?

Thinking of murder

I have a scene in the beginning of one of my manuscripts where the wife is thinking of murdering her husband. Her husband had been acting crazy for months. Obsessed with building a bomb shelter, pouring all their money into it. It so consumes him the wife is living in fear of his mania. My critique group thought it was a bit extreme to have the wife thinking of murder instead of..say...therapy.
My thoughts are that just sending him to therapy would be a boring book. And she doesn't actually kill him in the book. (that's taken care of by forces beyond her control) But how weird would your significant other have to get before you'd think of divorce? If your "other" started obsessing over something strange, drained your saving account and spent every waking hour on this obsession. Got so bad you could see something in his eyes that scared you.... What would you do? How long would you put up with it?
I'm not saying murder is the answer (we'll save that for the book) but what about divorce? Or just leaving? Kicking him out?
Thoughts?

Critique groups

I found a new critique group and I think its going to be fun. The people there were pretty good writers and had a good attitude about critiques.

I always go into a new critique group with a bit of trepidation. I've seen some pretty bad ones. How about a twenty minute discussion on whether the word fuck should be said by a man who gets lost? (forget about the man, I'd probably let that one slip under a lot less stress :) Or the one who literally tried to rewrite the story, change endings completely and then argue as to why their idea is better. Lots of arguing. These are the kind of groups we should never go back to. At least not if we want to keep our sanity.

But this group had some good people with open minds. A very important thing, those open minds. And they always ended on a positive note.

:)

Happy now!

Proud mama!

My daughter was chosen as one of the core singers for the Perry Awards!!!

:)

(A Perry Award is giving for the best of the best in NJ musical theater. The award ceremony is in September)

Raising Elvis

I try to raise him right. Give him good manners and morals. Good food (he demands to eat whatever we are eating), a nice house-er-cage (Graceland), love and affection and I wake up this morning to hear "YOU'RE A BRAT! BRAT! BRAT BRAT! HEY BRAT! Come 'mere."

Then he clucks like a chicken. . . "Buc, Buc, Buc, BaGawwwk!"

I've been trying to teach him "I love you" for years but he seems to have an aversion to expressing affection. He also refuses to say "thank you."

And he's no snitch either. Although he calls each of the dogs by name, (then laughs when they come running, "heh, heh, heh") he refuses to tell me who tore up the garbage and spread it all over the floor last night. He had to see it, most was right in front of Graceland.

And he calls me a Brat!

And then as I'm sweeping up the mess-he laughs, which is more like the cackle from the wicked witch of the west. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I'm the slave in this relationship and sometimes I'm afraid he may be right.