Sunday, January 31, 2010

Got no flow....

Most times writing is the easiest thing I do. When I need to escape or have something to say it just flows out of my fingertips without a moments hesitation.
But The Blue Diamond is a struggle. I have to wonder if this is because its like an assignment. Or maybe a cross between an assignment and a challenge.
I'm writing it from an announcement by The Wild Rose Press that asks people to write something for their new Jewels of the Night line. I figured I was such a slacker lately that I needed a challenge.
Things like this usually excite me. Make me step up and just get it done, but somehow I'm just not finding the flow.
Is it the depression that seems to shadow me these days? The disappointment I feel with my day job? Inability to find a publisher for my last work?
Who knows.
My birds are leaving the nest. My best friends are taking off and finding their own lives, their own space in time and it's taking my soul.
Usually I embrace change.
I love new and different things whether it's moving to a new place, changing around a room, or changing jobs. I'm usually a try-new-things, jump-straight-in kind of person.
So why am I floundering now? I knew this was coming, worked hard to make them as prepared as possible and I'm happy to say they have turned out to be very capable, mature, intelligent young women. I'm so proud of them.
So why can't I find my place in the world now? I always knew where it was before, every change made me happy. Why can't I embrace this?
Can I coin the teen phrase, "Whatever"?
I'm making myself push through the Diamond, blurting it all down on the hard drive and hoping for the best. It's an effort to finish and an effort to get my flow back.
Hopefully, that's one thing I can get back.


Michele Emrath said...

God bless the creative soul. We are so touched with emotion it gets all jumbled up until it's unintelligible sometimes. You will get through!

And if this challenge/assignment isn't working for you, don't force it. Leave it and move on to something else.


Charles Gramlich said...

These days I seem to work best when I have a challenge like this. It used to not be the case.

Lana Gramlich said...

We all have our ups & downs, regardless of our media. Hang in there (& don't beat yourself up to much. It doesn't seem to help.)
I answered your question on my art blog, fyi. The short answer is "acrylics," though. *L*
Take care! :)