Writer to Runner

Insanity has struck. I'm thinking of running the Color Run this year. It comes to New Jersey on my birthday so I'm thinking this is an omen...or a challenge?

I feel I need something to shake me up. Since losing my job I've had a bit of depression and find myself hanging by the fridge. I think most of this depression comes from fear of getting another job I absolutely hate. I want something that's busy and challenging. If I get another job where I have so much down time I end up staring at the walls again I think I might go crazy. The last two jobs I had, had too much down time. I spent hours trying to look busy because there just wasn't enough work to do. I haven't had a job I loved since I left the Student Exchange company. That job was interesting and crazy busy. I loved it.

Back to the Color Run, if I want to do this I'm going to have to start some serious training since I never run. I used to walk a lot, but it's been a while. You can walk the color run. It's not really a race but more of a fun run. They throw color at you, you dance in the rainbows and run at your own pace. But I really want to run this all the way.

Any runners in the crowd? Advice?

Tomorrow is day one of training. Tomorrow night I'll be collapsed on the couch. See you then!

Writer Meet Chair

Writing is simple: writer meets chair. You have to just sit down and write. Carve out your time and just do it.

To which I reply; HA!

If it were truly that easy I'd have more than one book up on Amazon. Those five or ten books that I've actually finished would have more than one draft. I wouldn't be stressing over the cube thing interview I have this afternoon.

So yesterday I locked myself in my newly finished writer's cave, determined not to leave for the whole day. Outcome? I went from page 100 to 195 of my rewrite for No Apologies.

I'm keeping a log book next to my computer of date/time/page numbers of work done. When I got up this morning and looked at my book it felt good. I actually accomplished something yesterday. How the hell did that happen?

It wasn't easy. At times it was hard to keep my butt in the chair. The ghosts of Facebook and Twitter called. My email begged to be opened. The house called out to be cleaned. These were real creatures reaching into my cave and trying to pry me out of my chair. It almost felt like I was beating them off with that Louie-ville slugger I keep next to my night stand.

This morning I'm here again in my writing cave. Space heater cooking, trying to out work the cold February wind that's leaking through my windows, coffee at my side and dogs at my feet. The old calico cat is curled up on the towel I folded on the edge of my desk. I think she wants me to write. She looks so content as I hit the keys.
That's a picture of Hemmingway's desk down in Key West. When we went I took pictures of every room in his house. Tomorrow we'll visit his bathroom. ;)
See you tomorrow.....

Cubes, Writers, and Work

I fear the cube. I did it for a while, sat in the cube processing papers and managing nonsense for others.

And it ate my soul.

I know we need day jobs. I know the day job supports the real joy of our souls but I think it also works to stop the flow of creativity.

I think the brains of writers and artists are wired differently. These brains need space. They need room to breathe creativity in and out like most need oxygen.

Cubicles suck the creativity out of the brain. Its like the cube is a crushing box pushing and shoving the brain into a cramped square where no words can escape. No art can flow. It's where the voices in your head stop talking.

I have an interview tomorrow. I fear the outcome but not for the reasons most would think. Does this make me crazy?

Writing Time and Motivation

Even when I have time to write I'm getting little done. I'm scattered. I need a kick in the pants to get going. Unemployment is a weird state to be in. Although I make sure I'm up and ready to face the world early every morning, I get very little done.

I think, after being a stay at home mom for a lot of years before taking a full time job, I viewed the house as my job. When the kids were in school I'd clean, cook, wash, scrub and make sure everything was running like a well oiled clock. Then the kids grew up and I got  a job and life went on. Now back at home full time I find myself falling back into the stay at home mom job. Instead of looking at writing opportunities I'm cleaning! WTF!

I must be insane.

I've begged the universe to give me writing time and here it's handed to me and I blew it. Sheesh!

And today I got an interview. An opportunity to return to the real world. Why am I so bummed at the prospect of going back to 9 to 5?  Did I miss something I should have done? Am I subconsciously sabotaging myself?

Maybe.

But hey, an interview is no guarantee of a job. Perhaps this is my kick in the pants?

Free Book, Soul Mates

Love dogs? And FREE ebooks?

My book, Soul Mates (A different kind of love story) is now available FREE on Amazon. 

When a deal with God goes terribly wrong a woman is reincarnated as one of the smallest dogs on the planet. Follow the adventure as she seeks her place in a world where she has little control.

Soul Mates (A different kind of love story) is free on Amazon for the weekend. Enjoy a story about a dog that who's spirit never gives up.

I wrote this book on the idea that maybe our Soul Mate isn't a lover or spouse but someone we connect with on a more spiritual level. When soul meets soul and people do the right thing, they can find the thing they've been searching for; unconditional love.

If you like it, leave a review on Amazon. I'd love to hear from you. To find out more about the writing of Soul Mates visit my website.
I hope you enjoy reading Soul Mates as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Happy Reading!

Movie Review; Die Hard 5

Die Hard 5, or A Good Day to Die Hard is a high action film where John McClane comes back, but this time its his son, John Jr.or Jack, who is in the heart of the action. McClane goes to Moscow to find his son who happens to be there on assignment. McClane is dragged into a world of spies and crooked Russian politicians. If you like car chases, major crashes and bombs exploding this might be the movie for you. If you like a good plot? Eh.

There were a few weak points in plotting that had me questioning things from the start. I don't want to give away the plot here but in one assassination attempt a man walks in and is fairly close to the subject and tags the guy in the shoulder? Really? So right away we knew there was something off here.The movie maker may have thought he was setting up a twist, but this action was so blatantly staged we were waiting for reveal instead of being surprised when it happened.

During the scene when father and son first encounter each other, Jr. simply drives away leaving Daddy in the street. What was weird about this scene is that Jr. was being chased by bad guys so he was really leaving  Daddy in the line of fire.

Jr. shows dislike for this father throughout but its never really explained why he feels this way. In one scene John Sr. says something to someone else about working too much and not being there for his kids but never do we hear Jr explain why he's being such a jerk to his father. I thought this was a weak plot point. If you're going to put this in the story, we need Jr's reason from Jr. Not some two minute remark from Dad to another person. Without Jr's point of view he comes across as a jerk. Main characters should be someone we connect with, not someone we think is being a jerk.

Car chases and fight scenes: although action filled with flipping cars, mega crashes, high powered gun fights and fist fights, these weren't filmed from the best angles and sometimes it was hard to keep track of where everyone was in the scene. Some of the explosions had father and son falling from the top floor of a building, crashing through scaffolding and walking away almost unscathed. Kinda unbelievable. In all the other Die Hard's the injuries kinda matched the accidents. Here the disbelief factor was high, another detractor to the movie.

Good point throughout the movie; Explosions were big and lit up the whole screen. There were times during the movie where I cringed, closed my eyes, and almost jumped out of my seat. There was a major twist at the end that really made the movie and did kinda surprise me.

In spite of the weak plotting points this movie was a pretty good action film. It had all the right ingredients but when I left the theater I felt it could have been better. As we walked out I wasn't left with that feeling you get from a really great film. The one where the characters stay with you for a while and you don't want to let the go.

The film has the potential to be great so what happened? I didn't get one Yippie Ki Yay.

I give it 3 and a half stars out of 5. Sorry Bruce.

Writing as an Indie Author

Writing consumes me. I write much better now that I'm unemployed. It doesn't have much to do with the job factor but more for the fact that the job I had clouded my mind. To be able to write, I need to be ...content? Happy? Not spend every day absolutely aggravated?

But I'm drifting here. My point is writing, writing tools, reading about writers is how I spend a lot of time when I'm not actually writing. I work on 4 blogs and send an occasional article to Patch.com. Oh yeah, and that job search thing. (If only I could make my job writing = Dream job!)

But look what I found this morning! There is an Alliance of Independent Authors. A place where Indie's support each other and share information. The site looks good, but since I only have one Indie book, and it's more of  a novella, I'm not sure I'm eligible to join yet. I understand they have standards I might not meet yet but this is a site I'm going to watch. I think there's going to be lots of valuable information here. The membership fee is $99 for the year. Not too bad a fee, right? I've paid more for other writer organizations.
They also have a blog.

Would you join something like this? Do you know of any other Indie organizations?

Book Review: Moon Dance by J.R. Rain

I just finished Moon Dance by J.R.Rain and I'm gonna give it 5 stars. This book kept me engaged and cheering for our main character, Samantha Moon, who is a mom, private investigator and a vampire. The story follows her investigation of an attempted murder while trying to balance everyday mom things. Clues are artfully dropped along the way as to how she became a vampire and what she's done to blend in with her old life. A skin disease explains why she avoids sunlight and her husband helped manage the blood issue. The story takes us through her struggles to earn a living, trying to save her marriage and manage her vampire cravings. Best of all -- I never guessed who did it. Clues were dropped, Samantha moved smoothly though the investigation and kept me guessing all the way.

From a writing stand point I'd say this is very well crafted and executed story. Characters are well fleshed out and believable, scenes are vivid and the story flows so well you forget reality and get sucked right into the world of Samantha Moon.

I don't seek out vampire stories and I'm not sure how this ended up on my Kindle. I am a bit of an impulse buyer so I often find surprises in my menu. However this was an excellent story. I loved the writing and I loved Samantha Moon. I would often find myself rooting for her and then feeling her pain as she realizes the life she once loved can never be hers again.

If you're looking for a good read check out Moon Dance. For more great reads by J.R. Rain click on his name to find his author's page on Amazon. I'm going back for the next book in this series!

Writing Essays, Stories and More

Essay writing is a skill that can be honed like every other writing muscle. Whether you need an essay for school, a writing group or to use as a speech to honor someone. Essays written from the heart can inspire and move to action. They are found in magazines, newspapers and all over the Internet. Now that I'm taking classes in Journalism and Creative Writing I find myself writing lots of essays. Not my favorite but not something i struggle with at all. I think I've been writing essays all my life without knowing it. Here's what I learned along the way...


Is there a magic formula on how to write an essay? Yes and no. (Don't you love those kind of answers?)

Well, the answer depends for whom you're writing. College essays will be held to a higher level than an essay written for a newspaper. (I've heard newspapers are written on a 6th grade level. Is that true?) Essays to submit for publications in women's magazines will need to be directed at things held important by it's readership. Read and reread the magazine you're targeting so you get the rhythm of the writing.  Can't find the right venue for your essay, you might want to self publish a collection of essays on Amazon.

Segments of an Essay would include introduction, main point of the subject, and conclusion. 

Remember your audience. Are you writing a something for kids or will only adults be reading it? Are you targeting  certain age group? Does your audience have a work or hobby relationship that you're including in the article? I mention this because its easy to lose sight of your target audience and wander off your intended path. Including a personal story can help reach your audience as long as it doesn't distract from you main point.

One thing you must remember when writing your essay is to relax. Let the essay flow with a natural pace and write it all the way through. Once done go back and edit, edit, edit. Same as writing a book, short story or letter to mom, don't stress over the first draft. You'll have a chance to read through and correct later. Get all your information down on paper (or on the computer screen--save your work!) and then start rearranging your ideas. Editing can come later and will often make or break your essay.

And have fun! Essays are a creative way to express your views on subjects and you never know when you'll need a clip!
:)~
Do you know of any other venues for publishing essays? Do you write them on a regular basis? Advice?

The Evils of Punctuation

Commas confuse, Colons and Semi's introduce, Apostrophes are mine, Quotation marks are direct and indirect, periods put an end to it all. Dashes, parentheses and hyphens all have their places but the one that grinds my brain is the EXCLAMATION POINT!

I've been reading a short story magazine and one story that has exclamation points in every other sentence. I feel like I'm reading sentences that go like this, "He handed me ROSES!" and "I LIKED THEM!" "We went to DINNER!" "We came HOME!" "It was FUN!"
Honey, it you get that excited over the little stuff I fear for what will happen when something really exciting hits you.

Don't get me wrong. I used exclamation points, but only when the character is screaming. which isn't normal in every day conversation. Fore instance; "He's got a knife!" might earn one of those pesky points. Or even, "Help! The baby fell in the pool!"

It makes me wonder if the author of this short read her work out loud and how did she speak the exclamations!!!! Is she one of those over excited peppy individuals I'll never understand? Or did she write without realizing how excited this character would sound if you put an exclamation point in her mouth?

And why the heck did the editor not do something about this?

File this under pet peeve but too many exclamation points distract from the story. Unless you've got a caffeine hyper character who's been popping speed all day. Even then I might have the urge to shoot her.

Am I wrong?
So do you...! ?
What's your rule for the exclamation point?

Got Shorts? Where to put them?

I write a bunch of short stories. Maybe they morph into something longer, maybe they stay short. They are scattered within the doc file on my computer and now, dealing with lazy writer syndrome, I've been wandering through this stuff, looking for inspiration. This got me thinking I should do something with them, but what?

I believe my choices are hunt down mags that take shorts or look into that Amazon thing? I had a little trouble finding the information on Amazon for shorts. It looks like they sell for like 49 cents.

I write for the Trues (True Confession, True Story) and they pay about $150 a story depending on word count. These stories are easy to write and the response time to get accepted or rejected is fairly quick. And you can do it via email which I like.

So now I wonder if I can make more money on Amazon. My second issue is not everything I write is a fit for the Trues. Some is a bit darker. Trues are uplifting, happy stories. Murder and scary stuff don't fit.

So, tell me...what do you do with your shorts?

Block or Choice?

As I sit here on unemployment I have time to write. Scads of time. So much time that Jano (January's version of Nano run buy a group out of PA) should be a piece of cake. Yet I flounder.
I have all the laundry done and search the house for more. Should I take down the curtains? Wash the dog beds again? Maybe. Or not.
Why aren't I writing?

Perhaps if I leap, truly take the plunge and say I'm a 9 to 5 writer it will become my reality and then what do I do?

I'd have to produce published pieces, right? I'd have to be accepted into a world I've been half-heartedly banging my head against for years.

Success? Would that be an invasion of my privacy? Do I fear that? Having to go out into the world and smooosh with people? Frankly, I'm not much of a smooosher. I'd rather do the fly on the wall bit and watch people.

Or do I fear letting people down. Mostly myself. Admitting to the world and my own soul that writing really is just a hobby that will go nowhere. How sad is that?

I think I'll go lock myself in my home office now and just open my story (aptly named "No Apologies") and see what's there.

So fellow writers....do you fear the leap? Or just jump in?

PS: That's my foster dog Leena. She's up for adoption in New Jersey through Castle of Dreams Animal Rescue

The Miserables ...Les Miz

I'm not one for musicals unless they are outstanding. I only went to see this one because my daughter wanted to go. I didn't expect a lot. I had no hopes other than ...please don't let me snore if I fall asleep.

I saw Les Miserables on Broadway and although it was good it wasn't my favorite play. The actors (I can't even remember who they were), were good, Broadway caliber to be sure, but overall it was just..eh.

Now all we hear about Anne Hathaway is how she's up for an Oscar or Emmy or whatever they give the movie actors. Yeah, I'm that far out of the loop on these things. My movie going experience has never been a match for whoever is giving out those awards. I mean, after all, they liked Titanic-who had a main character I couldn't stand. She was the downfall of two men because of her selfish ways.
But here I'm going off topic. Back to Les Miz...

Yes! Anne Hathaway deserves the Oscar, Emmy or whatever because her short but soulful part in this movie was amazing. She had the entire audience n tears. Fontaine, a woman forced into prostitution, is portrayed by Anne with absolute perfection. We saw Fontaine as a good woman forced to do the unspeakable to save her child. Your heart broke because of her situation. Anne's acting was excellent. If you go for no other reason, go to see Anne Hathaway's Fontaine.

The photography, set design and wardrobe were all very well done. You were there, in the bitter bowels of the early 1800's with the poor and the suffering. The dirty alleys, people doing whatever they can to fetter out an existence all come together to set the scene where Hugh Jackman, aka Jean ValJean, and Fontaine's lives collide.

Without giving away the plot to those who have no idea what this show is about I have to say along with a great setting and photography, the casting was perfect. Of course we know Hugh Jackman as a versatile and talented actor, but I didn't even recognize him in the opening scene until he opened his mouth. And yes, this man can sing! Russel Crowe stepped up to give a great performance as well. He played the stoic and unforgiving Javert. I would have liked to see his part expanded upon but that's just not in Les Miz.

I was greatly impressed by the show as a whole and thought it a better experience than Broadway.  From the unforgettable Anne Hathaway, to the battle scene, to the end where we see Jean Valjean ....well, you'll find out....go see it!

I didn't even feel like snoozing on this one. One of the best musicals I've ever seen.

Jack Reacher: Movie Review by a Book Lover

I went into the theater with a chip on my shoulder. Tom Cruise as the invincible Jack Reacher? No way. Jack is like 6’6” and like 230 lbs. Cruise is just a skinny little guy with a body more like a teenager than a man. How can he possibly play this hero I’ve been reading for years?

So why did I go? One reason; Lee Child. This author gave me Jack Reacher and many great books in which to live for a little while. How could I not go and support an author who’s given me such great times?

During the opening scenes I had to keep reminding myself to calm down, give it a chance. Keep an open mind. It was hard at first…and then I got sucked right into Reacher-world.

Tom Cruise aced Jack Reacher.

There, I said it. And by the end of the movie I could definitely see him step into the skin of our hero. There were several reasons this worked.

Tom put on some weight for this character; mostly muscle.  When he took off his shirt his body had the muscular thickness I could see on a man I visualize as Reacher. Tom looked better than I’ve ever seen him in any of this other movies. Skinny kid gone, grown man awesome.

Camera angles. Tom didn’t appear 6’6” but he did come across as taller in most of the scenes. Good camera work made him appear larger overall which let us see him as a possible Reacher. It wasn’t there all the time but enough so that Tom definitely came across as much more than the skinny character he’s played in movies like Mission Impossible. 

The story was true Lee Child. The language of Lee came through in almost all of the scenes and they stayed true to character of Jack Reacher. We see him buying new clothing and dumping his old stuff in a Good Will bin. Yes, his toothbrush is in his pocket!  A little sexy, a little unreachable, very dynamic.

Action scenes were awesome. From the fight scenes to the car chases. I was on the edge of my seat throughout. It was Reacher style fighting, no holds barred and dirty as anything we’ve read in the books. Totally fitting our beloved Reacher.

If you’ve read the book you see things from the inside of Reacher’s head and because this is a movie you don’t get that as much but that’s true with every movie. However the plot was there and kept us on the edge of our seat. There were moments I had to cover my eyes the action was so graphic. (That’s a good thing!) I laughed out loud, nearly screamed with fright and wanted to yell at the screen at times. (I restrained myself since the woman in front of me was doing enough of that for everyone ~ )

When we go to the theater, if the movie was GREAT we call it a “Buy”. Meaning we have to get the DVD when it comes out so we can see it again and again. Jack Reacher was definitely a “Buy” in my book.  I’d go see it again today if my family wouldn’t think I was crazy.

Well played Tom. Jack Reacher gets 5 STARS in my book. Go see it and keep an open mind. I’m glad I did. One more thing: make sure you check out the sexy desk Sargent…..

Unemployed and Uninspired

Maybe its the holiday season but getting a pink slip two weeks before Christmas can be a bit of a downer. Now you worry about money and doing all those things you're used to doing. First file for unemployment. Get that out of the way so some cash comes in while we decide what to do.

Reality? We show up for work on Monday morning, 2 of the bosses are sitting in reception. Look over and see none of the computers have monitors on them. Ut oh!

"Yeah," says boss #1, "Ut oh. We're closing up shop."

Just like that.

Everyone in the office is unemployed 2 weeks before Christmas. Merry you too.

To tell the truth I wasn't surprised. The last two months it seemed people had too much free time. When I brought this subject up others in the office weren't worried. "Look what good moods the bosses are in!" they would say. Good moods indeed. They were in that office every single day laughing and joking. This leads me to believe they did know what was coming and were probably milking the biz for all they could get. Why else would a floundering business put the powers in such a good mood. Get it while it's hot, folks!

So now what? To write or not to write? Better to use this time to finish one of the great American Novels I have under my keyboard or should I jump back into the rat race, find another boring job and kill my soul?

I vacillate back and forth trying to come up with the answer. Universe? Send me a sign!

Challenging Youself

One of the writers I most admire is Zoe Winters. She regularly posts her word count and how far she's gotten in her lastest WIP.  I need to do this. Not post it per say, but challenge myself to get X amount of pages done each day. In Stephen King's book, On Writing he says he completes at least 10 pages a day. Now I question if he perfects those 10 pages with edits or does he just blow them out to come back and edit later? Probably a little of both since we know writing isn't an exact science. I usually plow through to the end but sometimes I back track.
So what word count to set?
I work full time, volunteer and just started piano lessons. :) So with all that on my plate, what would be a viable word count? Should it be set for each day? Week? Or should it be a time goal? X amount of hours each day or week?
Sometimes 10 pages fly by, other times 5 pages are absolutely painful and time is a factor when you work 8 hours a day.
Do you set word/page goals? Are they daily or weekly?

How do you get it done? 

Work of Art for Writers

There was a show on Bravo for two seasons (I'm praying it comes back!) that brought like 20 artists together for a competition: Work of Art, the next great artist. Each week they'd be given an assignment, work through it and then it goes to the gallery for judging and some one's eliminated. I loved this show. Watching the artistic process, seeing how each artist comes up with his own ideas for challenge and the rush to finish by the deadline.
So I was thinking this would be cool for writers except for one thing....watchin a dozen or so writers sit and curse at their puters while they pounded the keys and hit the delete button probably wouldn't be too entertaining.
Too bad.
However, I could probably watch Stephen King write.
Not matter how interesting the process, the grunt work isn't always that entertaining in some industries. Watching a work of art go from lumps of clay and paint to magical works can be interesting. When writing the excitement is all in your head. The scenes are like visions that take us into another, far away world that is much more fun than everyday stuff.

So here I sit on a Sunday afternoon, ignoring the counter clutter, laundry and other stuff, to go into that far away land inside my brain. Its so much more interesting than anything else I could be doing today.

Forcing it?

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you write just as long as you write. Forcing something down on paper/keyboard can be liberating. Sometimes.
Other times its torture.
I have several books completed, but not ready for public viewing. Some are shorter, but still book length but there's a few that are huge. When I can't wrap my brain around anything new I go back and play in these books. There are a few that I really like and would love to see them all polished up for Amazon, but for some reason I procrastinate. I believe this is some kind of phobia. If I finish them I'll put them up on Amazon and God forbid someone hates them! Crushing!
And then there's all these new stories in my head that keep nagging at me.
The full time job really gets in my way.
I have a really boring job and actually have time to work on my stories there, but its a room full of cubes and everyone can see each other. Just when I'm in the zone and going good someone demands my attention. Its like walking out of a cloud. Suddenly I'm not miles into my story but being yanked back into the cube-world. (I hate cube world) I did try to use head phones but the others objected because I didn't jump when they wanted my attention. Even if it wasn't about work--all summer long we do NOTHING--they were still offended that I would zone out on them. Heaven forbid I miss the building's gossip!
So now my writing time is either early morning, before work or after work or at night. Morning is when I do my best writing but sometimes I get so pulled into the story I lose all track of time and end up being late for work...where I'll sit in a cube and do nothing for hours. After work is better but there's dinner to make, family to talk to and dogs to walk. I usually practice piano after work too. Sometimes there's meetings.
I admire Zoe Winters who sets word count goals and meets them. Maybe that's what I should do. Page or word goals to get the job done.

Any other goal setting ideas? How do you get it done?

Ambition...where did it go?

I feel foolish confessing my writing has fallen by the wayside. Normally writing is my savior. Its where I go to hide from the world. In the past year it feels as if I lost something. That drive inside me that makes it so I HAVE TO write has faded, vanished, slammed into park and refuses to move. I can't seem to jump start anything to do with writing.
This scares me a bit.
I've been painting a lot and have started to learn piano, but I know these are substitutes for that thing inside me that wants to be writing.
As silly as it may seem I blame this on a loss of a pet. Elvis, my parrot of 11 years died suddenly. He was jumped on by one of the dogs I fostered and died in my hands. He nipped my finger once and was gone. I cried for days. I'm still crying inside and the smallest things can set me off. Its been over 6 months and still my heart weeps. I blame myself. I was his protector and I failed. His death is all my fault.  I don't blame the dog. Something fell beside him and he pounced. My daughter and I were standing right there and still couldn't stop it. I don't even think the dog knew what it was when he jumped on it. Probably thought it was a toy. Dogs move instinctively. I was the failure. Elvie's death is mine. I should have kept him safe.
Silly, I know but since then I can't write. I don't know what I'm waiting for, or why I've been so stuck over this. He's not the first pet I lost and I'm sure won't be the last. But parrots are special. They are almost like little people. He talked and would say the absolutely right thing at the right time. He ate when we ate, slept when we slept and was part of the family. I miss him terribly.
They say grief has five stages; Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I guess I'm in depression since there is no guilt. Or maybe there should be guilt. Or is that in bargaining? Am I trying to bargain my way out of guilt? Justify that I didn't keep him safe?
I know accidents happen and we can't stop the world, but still my heart broke when Elvis left me.
Weirdly, about two weeks before he died I had this overwhelming feeling that he was going to be gone soon. Like I looked at him once and knew he would leave me soon. The thought so horrified me that I shook it off immediately.
If I ever have pychic powers I don't want to know things like that but sometimes...
Why don't I ever get the lottery numbers? Something useful.

Then a few months ago my dog died. Halston was 16 and a golden retriever so we knew it was coming. Still didn't make it any easier.
So now I'm plodding through an old story, trying to get it ready for Kindle but my heart's just not in it.
Tell me how to get "it" back. That thing inside that makes you write. I think it's still there. It just won't come out and play.

Captured!